The Text - Section 182
182. THE PROCESS OF MEDITATION (MEDITATION FOR THREE VOICES: EGO, LOWER SELF, HIGHER SELF)
Greetings, all my friends here. Love and blessings, help and inner strength are coming forth
to sustain you and help you open up your innermost being. I hope you will continue and cultivate
this process, so that you bring to life your entire being -- all levels of your being -- creating
wholeness in you.
In tonight's lecture I want to talk about meditation. Of course I have spoken about it many
times before. I have mentioned that there are many aspects of and approaches to meditation. Now
the time is ripe to speak about this important topic in a more comprehensive way, to help you to use
this activity more effectively and meaningfully. To really understand the dynamics, the meaning, and
the process of meditation and derive the maximum benefit from it, you must be clear about certain
psychic laws I have discussed elsewhere. One is that three fundamental layers of personality must
be involved if meditation is to be truly effective.
These three fundamental personality levels we may call:
(1) the conscious ego level, with all conscious knowing and willing;
(2) the unconscious egotistical child level, with all its ignorance, destructiveness, and claims to
omnipotence; and
(3) the supraconscious universal self, with its superior wisdom, power and love, as well as
with its comprehensive understanding of events in human life.
In effective meditation the conscious ego level activates both the unconscious, egotistical,
destructive self and the supraconscious, superior universal self. A constant interaction among these
three levels must take place, requiring a tremendous amount of alertness on the part of your
conscious ego self.
The conscious ego must be completely determined to allow the unconscious egotistical self to
reveal itself, to unfold, to manifest in awareness, to express itself. This is neither as difficult nor as
easy as it may seem. It is difficult exclusively, my friends, because of the fear of not being as perfect,
as evolved, as good, as rational, as ideal, as one wants to be and even pretends to be, so that on the
surface of consciousness the ego becomes almost convinced of being the idealized self-image. This
surface conviction is constantly counteracted by the unconscious knowledge that this image is
untrue, with the result that secretly the whole personality feels fraudulent and terrified of exposure.
It is a significant sign of self-acceptance and growth when a human being is capable of allowing the
egotistical, irrational, outright destructive child to manifest in the inner awareness, and acknowledges
it in all its specific detail. This alone will prevent a dangerous indirect manifestation of which the
person's consciousness is not aware because it is not connected with it, so that the undesirable
results seem to come from outside. If your meditation is not to be a lopsided endeavor, it must deal
with this kind of blindness.
The egotistical infant's antisocial desires and claims, convictions and attitudes must be
exposed in exact detail. It seems hard to accept that there is something in you that is so very
different from the way you want to be and the way you think of yourself. Meditation must
constantly encourage this self-revelation not only in a general sense, but primarily in specific daily
situations that are unpleasant or unsatisfactory.
The conscious ego has to reach down and say, "Whatever is in me, whatever is hidden that I
ought to know about myself, whatever negativity and destructiveness there is should be out in the
open. I want to see it, I commit myself to seeing it, regardless of the hurt to my vanity. I want to be
aware of how I deliberately refuse to see my part wherever I am stuck, and how I therefore
overconcentrate on the wrongs of others." This is one direction for meditation.
The other direction must be toward the universal higher self, which has powers that surpass
the limitations of the conscious self. These higher powers should also be called upon to expose the
destructive little self, so that resistance can be overcome. The ego-will alone may be incapable of
accomplishing this, but the ego can and must meditate to request the higher powers to help. The
universal consciousness should also be asked to help you to understand the expressions of the
destructive infant correctly, without exaggeration, so that you do not go from ignoring it to making
it a monster. A person can easily fluctuate from an outer self-aggrandizement to a hidden inner self-
deprecation. When the destructive infant reveals itself, one could fall prey to believing that this
destructive self is the ultimate, sad reality. For a complete perspective on the revelation of the
egotistic infant, one needs to ask constantly the guidance of the universal self.
When the infant begins to express itself more freely because the ego allows it and receives it as
an interested, open listener, collect this material for further study. Whatever reveals itself should be
explored for origins, results, further ramifications. What underlying misconceptions are responsible
for the overt self-destruction, the hate, the spite, the malice, the ruthless selfwill? When the
misconceptions are being recognized, guilt and self-hate diminish proportionately.
What are the consequences when for the sake of a momentary satisfaction you give in to these
destructive impulses? When questions like these are clearly worked out, the inner determination to
be destructive weakens -- again in proportion to the understanding of the particular cause and effect.
If this part of the pathwork is glossed over and taken for granted without particular and exacting
insight, the task is only half done. Meditation must deal with the entire problem of unconscious
negativity step by step. The interaction is threefold. The observing ego must initially want it and
commit itself to reaching in and exposing the negative side. It has also to ask for the help of the
universal self. When the infant reveals itself, the ego should again ask for the help of the universal
self to strengthen the consciousness for the further work which is the exploration of the underlying
misconceptions and the heavy price paid for them. The universal self can help -- if you allow it -- to
overcome the temptation to give in again and again to destructive impulses. Such giving in does not
necessarily result in action, but manifests in emotional attitudes.
This type of meditation requires a great deal of time, patience, perseverance and
determination. Remember that wherever you are unfulfilled, wherever there are problems, wherever
there is conflict in your life, your attitude should not be to concentrate with woe on others or
circumstances outside your control, but to reach into yourself and explore the causes embedded in
your own egocentric childish level. Meditation is an absolute prerequisite here: it means ingathering
yourself; calmly, quietly wanting to know the truth of this particular circumstance and its causes.
Then you need to quietly wait for an answer. In this state of mind, peace will come to you even
before you fully understand why you have a particular negativity. This truthful approach to life will
already give you a measure of the peace and self-respect you lacked as long as you held others
responsible for what you had to suffer.
If such meditation is cultivated, you will discover a side of yourself that you have never
known. In fact, you will come to know two aspects: the highest universal powers will communicate
themselves to you to help you discover your most destructive, ignorant side, which needs insight,
purification, and change. Through your willingness to accept your lower self, the higher self will
become more of a real presence in you. In fact, you will increasingly experience it as your real self
so that despair about being bad, weak, inadequate, will fall by the wayside.
Many people meditate, but they neglect the two-sidedness of the endeavor and therefore miss
out on integration. They may indeed actualize some of the universal powers that come into play
wherever the personality is sufficiently free, positive, open, but the unfree, negative, closed areas are
neglected. The actualized universal powers will not, by themselves, enforce an integration with the
undeveloped part of the self. The conscious ego-self must decide for this integration and fight for it,
otherwise the universal self cannot get through to the blocked-off areas. Partial integration alone
with the universal self may lead to even greater self-deception if the consciousness is deluded by the
actually existing partial integration with divine powers and becomes even more prone to overlook
the neglected side. This makes for lopsided development.
The next step in meditation is to reeducate the destructive infant that is now no longer entirely
unconscious. This infant with its false beliefs, its stubborn resistance, its spitefulness and murderous
rage, must be reoriented. Reeducation, however, cannot take place unless you are fully aware of
every aspect of this destructive infant's beliefs and attitudes. This is why the first part of meditation
-- the revealing, exploratory phase -- is so fundamental. It goes without saying that this first phase is
not something one gets over with, so that then the second, and later the third phase can begin. This
is not a sequential process; the phases overlap. Exploration, understanding, and reeducation often
go hand in hand while at other times they must proceed separately. The sensitivity for this must be
cultivated; no rules can be made to relieve you of the need to feel into yourself to know what to use
and when.
It is easy to look past what is stagnant in you. Even if the first meditational approach is used
properly and you are capable of seeing new aspects of the destructive child in you, the second part
of the process may be neglected. An understanding of the causes and effects may not be worked
through. Or perhaps the third aspect of reeducation is not fully undertaken.
When you go through the entire process, a tremendous strengthening of your whole self takes
place. Several things begin to happen within your personality, my friends. In the first place, your
conscious ego-personality itself becomes stronger and healthier. It will be stronger in a good,
relaxed sense, with more determination, awareness, meaningful directedness and a greater power of
concentration with one-pointed attention. Second, you will cultivate a much greater self-acceptance
and understanding of reality. Unreal self-hate and self-disgust will go away. Equally unreal claims
for specialness and perfection also go away. False spiritual pride and vanity as well as false self-
humiliation and shame disappear. Through the steady activation of the higher powers, the self feels
less and less forlorn, helpless, lost, hopeless, or empty. The whole sense of the universe in all its
marvelous possibilities reveals itself from within, as the reality of this wider world shows you the
way to accept and change your destructive inner child.
This gradual change enables you to accept all your feelings and let the energy flow through
your being. When your small, petty, mean side is accepted without thinking that it is the total, final
reality, then the beauty, love, wisdom and infinite power of the superior self become more real. This
power cannot lead to unrealistic arrogance, specialness, and self-idealization when you are constantly
dealing with your lower self. Such an attitude leads to balanced development, integration, and a
deep, reassuring sense of your own reality. Realistic, well-founded self-liking must result.
When you see the truth in yourself and it becomes second nature to want and commit yourself
to this truth, you will detect an ugly side in you, which until this point you were too resistant to see.
Simultaneously, you also detect this great, universal, spiritual power that is in you and that in fact is
you. Paradoxical as it may seem, the more you can accept the mean little creature, the ignorant little
infant in you without losing your sense of self-worth, the better you will perceive the greatness of
your innermost being, provided you truly do not use your discoveries about the little self to beat
yourself down. The little self wants to seduce the conscious ego to stay within the narrow confines
of neurotic self-beating, hopelessness, and morbid capitulation, which always cover unexpressed
hatred. The conscious ego must prevent this stratagem using all its knowledge and resources.
Observe this habit of self-beating, hopelessness, and capitulation in yourself and counteract it -- not
by pushing it underground again, but by using what you know. Talking to this part of yourself you
can bring to bear on it all the knowledge of your conscious ego. If this is not sufficient, request the
powers beyond your consciousness to come to your help.
Another important aspect of getting to know both the lowest and the highest in you is that
you realize the function, the capacities, but also the limitations of the conscious ego. On the
conscious level the ego's function is wanting to see the full truth of both the lowest and highest in
you, wanting with all of its strength to change and give up destructiveness. The limitation is that the
ego-consciousness cannot execute this alone and must turn for help and guidance to the universal
self and wait patiently without doubting or impatiently pushing. This waiting needs an open attitude
about the way the help might manifest. The fewer preconceived notions one has, the faster help will
come forth and be recognizable. Help from the universal consciousness may come in an entirely
different manner than your concepts may make room for, and this might prove to be an obstacle.
An open, waiting, accepting, and positive attitude is also necessary, though recognizing its absence,
can also become a constructive acknowledgement of where the self is at the moment.
There are many different kinds of meditation. There is religious meditation, which consists of
reciting set prayers. There is meditation in which the main emphasis is put on increasing the powers
of concentration. In another type of meditation spiritual laws are contemplated and thought
through. There is meditation in which the ego is made totally passive and will-less and the divine
allowed its own flux. These and other forms of meditation may have more or less value, but my
suggestion to the friends who work with me is rather to use the available energy and time for
confronting that part of the self that destroys happiness, fulfillment, and wholeness. You can never
create the wholeness you truly aspire to, whether or not this aim is articulated, if you bypass this
confrontation. This approach includes giving voice to the recalcitrant aspect of the egotistical,
destructive self that denies happiness, fulfillment, and beauty for any reason.
So far we have discussed two phases of the meditation process: first the recognition of the
unconscious destructive egotistical self and then the understanding of the underlying
misconceptions, the causes and effects, the meaning and the price to be paid for the present
destructive attitudes. The third phase is the reorientation and reeducation of the destructive part of
the self. What I will say now must be taken with great care, otherwise the subtleties involved will
not be communicated. Reeducation might very easily be misunderstood and lead toward a renewed
suppression or repression of the destructive part that is beginning to unfold. You have to take great
care and deliberately aim to avoid this, without, however, allowing the destructive part to engulf you.
The best attitude toward the unfolding destructive part is one of detached observation, of unjudging,
unharried acceptance. The more it unfolds, the more you must remind yourself that neither the
truth of its existence, nor its destructive attitudes are final. They are not the only attitudes you have,
nor are they absolute. Above all, you have the power inherent in you to change anything. You may
lack the incentive to change when you are not fully aware of the damage the destructive part of you
does to your life when it goes unrecognized. It is therefore another important aspect of this phase
of pathwork meditation to look deeply and widely for indirect manifestations. How does
unexpressed hate manifest in your life? Perhaps by feeling undeserving and afraid or by inhibiting
your energies. This is only one example; all indirect manifestations have to be explored.
It is important here to remind yourself that where there is life, there is constant movement,
even if this movement is temporarily paralyzed: matter is paralyzed life-stuff. The frozen blocks of
energy in your body are momentarily hardened, immobilized life-stuff. This life-stuff can always be
made to move again, but only consciousness can do it. For life-stuff is filled with consciousness, as
well as energy; whether this energy is momentarily blocked and frozen or whether this consciousness
is momentarily dimmed does not matter. Meditation must mean, above all, that the part of you that
is already conscious and moving actually intends to make blocked energy and dimmed consciousness
moving and aware again. The best way to do this is to allow the frozen and dimmed consciousness
first of all to express itself. Here you need a receptive attitude, instead of a reaction that what
comes forth is devastating and catastrophic. The panicky attitude toward one's own unfolding
destructive infant does more damage than the destructive infant itself. You must learn to listen to it,
to take it in, to calmly receive its expressions without hating yourself, without pushing the infant
away. Only with such an attitude can you come to understand the causes of its underlying
destructiveness. Only then can the process of reeducation begin.
The denying, panicky, frightened, self-rejecting, and perfection-demanding attitude you usually
have makes every part of this meditation impossible. It does not permit unfoldment; it does not
permit exploration of the causes of what might be unfolded; and it certainly does not permit
reeducation. It is the accepting and understanding attitude that enables the conscious ego to assert
its benign dominion over violently destructive and stagnant psychic matter. As I have said many
times, kindness, firmness, and deep determination against your own destructiveness are necessary. It
is a paradox: Identify with the destructiveness and yet be detached from it. Accept that it is you,
but also know that there is another part of you that can say the final word if you so choose. For this
you need to widen the limitations of your conscious ego expressions to include saying at any
moment: "I will be stronger than my destructiveness and will not be hampered by it. I determine
that my life will be at its best and fullest and that I will and can overcome the blocks in me that
make me want to remain unhappy. This determination of mine will bring in the higher powers that
will make me capable of experiencing more and more bliss because I can let go of the doubtful
pleasure of being negative, which I now fully recognize." This is the task of the conscious ego.
Then and then only can it also call into play the powers of guidance, wisdom, strength, and a new
inner feeling of love that comes from being penetrated by the universal self.
For reeducation, too, has to proceed through the relationship of the three interactive levels,
just as it was necessary for making the destructive side conscious and exploring its deeper meaning.
Reeducation depends on the efforts of both the conscious ego, with its instructions to and dialogue
with the ignorant child, and on the intervention and guidance of the universal, spiritual self. Each in
its own way will effect the gradual maturing of this infant. The ego determines its goal to change the
consciousness of the negative inner child by wanting this and committing itself to it. This is its task.
Full execution of this task is made possible by the spiritual influx from the deeper personality that
has to be deliberately activated. Here the consciousness must again adopt a twofold approach: one
is activity that asserts its desire to transform the self-defeating aspects, leading the dialogue and
calmly but firmly instructing the ignorant child. The other is a more passive, patient waiting for the
final, but always gradual, manifestation of the universal powers. It is they who bring about the inner
change when the feelings lead to new, more resilient reactions. Thus good feelings will replace those
which were negative or dead.
Rushing and pressuring the resisting part is as useless and ineffective as accepting its direct
refusal to budge. When the conscious ego does not recognize that there is a part of the self that
actually refuses every step toward health, unfoldment, and the good life, a counteractive movement
may be one of hurried, impatient pressure. Both derive from self-hate. When you feel stymied and
hopeless, take it as a sign for you to search for that part in you that says, "I do not wish to change, I
do not wish to be constructive." Set out and find this voice. Use the meditative dialogue here again,
to explore and let the worst in you express itself.
You can see, my friends, how expressing the negative part, exploring its meaning, cause and
effect, and reeducating it must be a constantly fluctuating process, alternating and often
simultaneous. See how the three levels of interaction combine in the effort of purification and
integration. Meditation functions here as a constant articulation of what was previously
unarticulated. It is a threefold communication and confrontation: from the ego toward the
destructive self and from the ego toward the universal self, so that the universal self can affect both
the ego and the destructive self. Your own sensitivity will grow day by day to feel what exactly is
needed at any given point on your evolutionary path.
Each day brings forth new tasks, exciting tasks, beautiful tasks. They should not be
approached in a spirit of wanting to get it over with, as if only then could life begin. On the
contrary, the meditation process is living at its best. You may begin each meditation by asking
yourself, "What do I really feel at this moment about this or that issue? In what respect am I
dissatisfied? What is it I may be disregarding?" Then you may request the universal spirit in you to
help you find these particular answers. Wait trustingly for what may unfold. Only when some part
of you unfolds can you have a direct confrontation, communication, or dialogue with it and ask it
further questions, as well as instruct it. With patience and determination you can remold the
distorted part, but only after it has fully expressed itself. You can reform, reorient stagnant psychic
energy with your willingness to be totally honest, totally constructive, loving, and open. If you find
an unwillingness in this regard, then that must be confronted, explored, and reeducated.
This is the only meaningful way in which meditation can move your life toward the resolution
of problems, toward growth and fulfillment, and toward unfolding your best potential. If you do
this, my friends, the time will come when trusting life will no longer sound like a vague, faraway
theory that you cannot put into personal action. Instead, your trust in life, as well as self-love in the
healthiest sense, will fill you more and more, based on realistic considerations, instead of wishful
thinking.
The paradoxes and opposites that you constantly deal with in life will be reconciled. This is
important, particularly when you meditate on this threefold interaction within you. I would now like
to discuss a few of these important paradoxes. For instance, let us examine the paradox of desire.
Both desire and desirelessness are important spiritual attitudes. Only to the dualistic, separated mind
do they seem like opposites leading to confusion about which is right or wrong.
Human beings desire, for only desire can bring you to the fourth aspect of meditation. This is
the expansion of your conscious concepts in order to create new and better life-substance, hence life
experience. This is the creation I have spoken about in previous lectures. If you do not desire a
better state of being and more fulfillment, you will have no material to create and mold life-
substance. Visualization of a fuller state presupposes desire. These concepts must be fostered by
the conscious ego, and the universal consciousness must intervene to help create a more expanded
state.
If you see desire and desirelessness as mutually exclusive, you cannot grasp or feel the
necessary attitude. Desire must exist for one to believe in new possibilities and to unfold into
greater states of fulfillment and self-expression. But if desire is tense, urgent, and contracted, it
forms a block. Such desire implies, "I do not believe that what I want can happen," which is,
perhaps, the result of an underlying, "I really do not want it," because of some misconception or
unjustified fears, or an unwillingness to pay the price. This underlying denial creates too tense a
desire. Therefore a kind of desirelessness must be present which could be expressed as the
statement, "I know I can and will have such and such, even if it is not realizable right now, in this or
that specific form. I trust the universe and my own good will sufficiently that I can wait and will
strengthen myself along the way to cope well with the temporary frustration of this desire."
What are the common denominators of healthy desire and healthy desirelessness that make
meditation and indeed all life-expression real and beautiful? First there is an absence of fear and the
presence of trust. If you fear frustration, unfulfillment, and their consequences, the tension of your
soul movement will prohibit the fulfillment you want. Eventually you will even give up all desire.
Then desirelessness will be distorted, misunderstood, and of the wrong kind because too much tense
desire is present. In the final analysis such tense desire comes from fear caused by the infantile
belief that you will be annihilated if you do not have what you want. Hence you do not trust your
ability to cope with lack of fulfillment, which makes you inordinately frightened of it. So the vicious
circle continues. The fear induces a cramp that becomes a denial of desire. These very subtle,
obscure attitudes need to be explored in your meditation, so that you can come to the fourth stage
of meaningful meditation. In this stage you express your desire with confidence in your ability to
cope with both nonfulfillment and fulfillment, and therefore with a benign universe, capable of
yielding to you what you long for. The obstacles along the way can be dealt with when you know
that the ultimate state of bliss will be yours anyway. Then desire and desirelessness will not be
irreconcilable paradoxes, but complementary attitudes.
Similarly, it seems paradoxical to postulate that both involvement and detachment must exist
in the healthy psyche. Again there must be a twofold approach to the understanding of this seeming
contradiction. If detachment is indifference because you are afraid to be involved and unwilling to
risk pain and scared of loving, then detachment is a distortion of the real attitude. If involvement
means merely an expression of a super-tense will that your infantile insistence on having what you
want right away generates, then the healthy, productive version of involvement is inverted.
I will choose a third example of apparent opposites that make a comprehensive whole when
not distorted. Let us take the inner attitudes of activity and passivity. On the dualistic level these
two seem to be mutually exclusive. How can you be both active and passive in a harmonious way?
The right inner interaction includes both these inner movements. For instance, meditation, as I
have explained it here, must include both. You are active when you explore your inner levels of
consciousness; you are active when you commit yourself and struggle to recognize and overcome
resistance; you are active when you question yourself further to let the previously unadmitted
destructive side express itself; you are active when you have a dialogue and reeducate the infantile,
ignorant aspects of yourself; you are active when you use your ego-consciousness to enlist the help
of the spiritual consciousness; you are active when you create a new concept of life experience, as
opposed to an old, limiting one. When the ego deals with both other "universes" to establish a
connection, you are active. But you must also learn to wait passively for the unfoldment and
expression of both these other levels. Then the right blend of activity and passivity prevails in the
psyche. The universal powers cannot come to fruition in a human being unless both the active and
the passive movements are present.
These are very important concepts to understand, to use, and to observe within yourself. Find
where they are distorted and where they are functioning well. When the three-way interaction within
yourself takes place, there is always a harmonious blend between desire and desirelessness; between
involvement and detachment; between activity and passivity. When this balance becomes a steady
state, the destructive infant grows up. It is not killed or annihilated. It is not exorcised. Its frozen
powers resolve themselves into live energy, which you will actually feel, my friends, as a new, living
force. This infant must not be slain. It must be instructed so that salvation can come to it,
liberating it, bringing it to growth. If you work toward this goal, you will steadily move closer to
unifying the ego level and the universal self.
This is powerful material. Be blessed, be in peace, be God.