From lecture 86, THE INSTINCTS OF SELF-PRESERVATION AND PROCREATION IN CONFLICT:

If the self-preservation instinct is distorted, the following process occurs: The young child experiences insecurity, either from lack of love, from lack of understanding of its own individuality, from a general uncertainty in the atmosphere or in the personality of the parents. This creates anxiety. The child senses an atmosphere of danger. In that instant the instinct of self-preservation starts to work. In order to ward off danger, the personality assumes certain inner and outer behavior patterns, above and beyond the character distortions that the distorted instinct of self-preservation ordinarily brings in its wake. I discussed this in the last lecture. These tendencies include aggressiveness, hostility, power drive, a need to triumph over others, competitiveness, and excessive demands. The idealized self-image will be set up according to these tendencies.

I emphasize again that this does not necessarily mean that contradictory tendencies, such as the quest for love, are not also present. Also, I want to repeat that what I say here presents only a general outline. The pseudo-solution has to be found in its particular form within each individual who works on this path, for there are many variations possible. For example, the quest for power may predominate without any apparent aggressiveness or hostility. The possibilities are manifold. Integration and self-finding can occur only when these tendencies are individually verified and experienced, possibly in entirely different terms than those mentioned here.

Very often the predominant tendency hides its opposite underneath. If the predominant tendency is the quest for power in order to be safe, with all the accompanying hostility, ruthlessness, pride, superiority, pretense at invulnerability, the underlying core may be the helpless child, looking for love and protection; craving pleasure and happiness; feeling vulnerable, submissive, insecure, and dependent. If the predominant tendency is a quest for love in order to receive pleasure, with all the accompanying self-effacement, appeasement, self-denial, and masochistic sacrificing, the underlying core may be a ruthless selfishness, self-centered pride and superiority, excessive demands and often even cruel impulses toward others.

The underlying core always produces shame, which has to be hidden, and is then covered with its opposite. These two tendencies are mutually exclusive and therefore create conflict, and additional conflict arises from the very shame of the underlying tendency that has to be covered up. Even if you are ashamed of something positive and constructive, the very fact that you are ashamed and therefore hide it produces strain, anxiety, pretense, and fear of exposure.